Rest in peace little Pepper

We had to put our dog down today. She was sick last night and today her legs just wouldn't stay under her. We took her to the vet where they xrayed her and took blood. Her blood work was not good, with several values elevated, a couple of them majorly elevated, including her white blood cells, indicating that her body was fighting something. Her xray showed that her bladder was the size of a small grapefruit when apparently it is supposed to be as big as your thumb. Her heart was also enlarged. The vet advised us to take her to the emergency hospital. The vet there went over each of the problems and what could be done to address them, all of which had to be addressed before getting any type of surgery to her legs, which was pretty much the only option for those. Of course all of this would cost thousands of dollars that we just don't have. My parents would never lend it as my mom has made it clear that it is not worth it to spend large amounts of money on a dog. Regardless, Pepper's quality of life may not have been much improved and the suffering she would have to endure while being poked and prodded and tested and operated on is not something I wanted to subject her to...not after everything she has already endured. So hubby and I decided. It wasn't a hard decision. In the last several weeks, I had thought about it and hated it. I worried that I would want to do it, but that it wouldn't be the right time...that I was being selfish, and she would look down from doggie heaven and hate me. But today was different. I knew it was the right thing to do. And I could have imagined it, but I felt like her spirits improved once the decision was made. I didn't want to, but we stayed with her when the vet put her to sleep. It was a little bit horrible. And the image is burned in my mind. I kept wanting her to move after it was done. When we got home, we got all her things together and put them in a box in the back room. I don't think either of us can bear to look at them for a little while...her food, her bowls, her doggie shampoo, and more. There will always be an empty spot on the floor where she spent most of her short time in the new house. I would give anything for her to nip at my feet, beg for our people food or pee on the floor right now. I have a pounding headache from crying. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I wanted her health to wait. I wanted her to be okay for a little while longer, partly for selfish reasons...that I didn't want to deal with it. But it also would have been nice if she could have really enjoyed our new house, and the nice big backyard we had for her. We wanted that so bad. But, she got to a little bit. She was such a sweet girl. My Pepper dog. Our little Pep.

Not the greatest picture, but all I could find on my laptop. This was her "bat" look :)